As previously threatened, and after some (possibly unwitting) encouragement, here is my not-so-humble contribution at further annoying verse, with apologies to various legitimate TPIN pedagogues. Heck, if I have lost (albeit temporarily!:-) the knack of effortlessly zipping up to double-c's - that Holy Grail of NorthAmerican trumpeters - at least I can make my pitch as a candidate for TPIN's unofficial Poet in Resonance. Rest assured that if Michael, the Almighty One, wills it, I will forever cease these piteable passes at poetism. I do, however, have some Seussian images (currently in my head only) that would be fun to merge with the following:
"Oh me Oh my, I'd like to cry!
No matter what I do or try,
I cannot play those notes! Oh why?!
High notes, low notes, fast notes, slow notes,
Many notes, few notes, black notes, blue notes,
Tell me, teacher, what to do,
How can I play just like you?
"I have read the TPIN stuff,
Some of it is pretty rough!
Their so-called experts don't agree,
None of it applies to me!
Gordon, Maggio, Clarke, Caruso,
Arban, Reinhardt, what's the use? Oh,
I'm becoming quite confused,
What's the method to be used?'"
"Horn clean? Valves oiled? Right slide-grease?
Have you picked the right mouthpiece?
Thin rim, wide rim, round rim, flat rim,
Shallow cup, deep cup, u-cup, vee-cup,
There are lots, from picc to tuba,
Bach, Stork, Reeves, even *Parduba*.
Your equipment's the right stuff?
OK, then, you've got enough!
"Now, to your room, and shut the door,
Put both feet flat on the floor,
Place the mouthpiece where it's best,
Point it north, south, east, or west,
Inner lip, outer lip, upper lip, lower lip,
Thin lip, thick lip, fast lip, slower lip,
Don't give up, sooner or later,
You'll control your buccinator.
"Start off playing low and quiet,
Not so loud! you'll start a riot!
Practise playing notes with ease,
Rest a lot, and do not squeeze.
Use more pressure than you need,
And you'll end up sounding like a reed.
Try to do the silent whistle,
Then you'll find your tone will bristle.
But do have fun, and do persist,
I'm quite sure you'll get the gist."
OK folks, that's the show
Excuse me now, I gotta go